Dancing with My Old Self

In 1989, I got my first Barry Manilow album. I was a freshman high school student. I was a geek. I used to see relationships in rose colored bowl. I used to fantasized that one day I'd become normal and have a relationship with the right person while keeping my alter ego as a superhero. I never gave up the dream to fly one day . Not inside an airplane but like Superman. I like putting on capes because it made me feel like a superhero. I think part of me has never given up that dream. I never fit n with guys in the dance groups nor guys who listen to rock bands like Metallica, White Lion and Kiss.

I spent my free time inside the library reading Time magazine and Encyclopedias as well as Biology books. Chemistry and Physics were complicated to me because I was not good in mathematics. Weekends were spent writing letters to pen pals inManila and in other countries.Or I'd stay home listening to records, watching music videos, reading novels or visit friends house and talking about music. Even thought I felt like an outcast but the funny thing was that classmates visited me and I either resent that or glad that I was able to play my recordings to them.

I never really stayed home much because my male buddies would visit me and we'd hangout to friends houses and spent afternoons talking , playing or watching TV. Looking back now, I realized i was not really an outcast. I was the only one who made myself unavailable in anyway i can and I'd fail. I guess i was not really a bad person to merit the attention of others.

Music was a big influence in my life. It still is. Funny when you look back and sometimes wish you can have a conversation with your old self...just to ask..how did you make it?